The sense of relief comes from both the temporary closure from the throngs of lesson plans and the retreat from the noise and misbehaviours. Generally, practicum has been an eye opening experience, dotted with greater disappointment as a trainee teacher and a colleague.
Disappointed bcos I did not manage to execute interesting lesson plans to better engage the students and augment their interest in music. Music lessons are brief and the short weekly meeting with the students made it harder to establish firm rapport and discipline.
Students display different forms of behaviours every lessons, and sometimes exhibit violence in class. Im still scared of certain classes as there are too many unmanageable students in one class, and my heart falls whenever I know I have to teach them on that particular day.
With the lack of support and sense of helplessness, I was unfocused in the development of lesson plans. Maybe I should have asked for more help from my cts, but to me, rapport w the students can only be built when classes r managed personally by me without the previous teachers around.
I am being truthful here bcos this is my blog, a place where I can pour out my inner most thoughts without the worries of being judged.
I try my best not to blame the students, but rather take it upon myself that I'm too weak and not resilient enough as a 21st century teacher. Many would tell me that my work is too overwhelming for a trainee teacher who has no prior experience in any teaching and being forced to perform the skills of an experienced contract teacher.
But isnt this what I pre-empt? That I will be less proficient than the trainee teachers who have prior contract experience? So y the stress to grow out of my shoes and wear myself out so fast?
Sadly in a graded situation like the practicum, i had to get myself well adapted asap. As trainee teachers, we have to perform and bring in interesting lesson activities for our 8 lesson observations during the short 10 weeks stay in practicum.
It is not an easy feat especially if the students are naturally disruptive and not cooperative in classes. I consistently had to worry whether my lesson activities were engaging and learner centred enough without inciting too much excitement in class to prevent disruptive behaviours.
Maybe the school has not been sensitive enough and arrange difficult classes for a beginning teacher to teach without considering the overwhelming demands of a student teacher.
I have 2 primary 1 classes, 1 primary 2 class, 1 primary 3 class, 1 primary 4 class and 6 primary 6 classes. That's a total of 11 classes altogether. While normal EMS teachers only take 3 classes and see their classes a few hours each week, music teachers only meet each class either once a week for 1 hour or twice a week for 30mins each. The challenges met are vastly different and in actual fact, beginning teachers are not supposed to teach at primary 1 and primary 6 levels.
But I shan't pursue on, since I had showed my timetable to my NIE*sup and she was fine with the arrangement.
Im glad that I didnt give up in between my practicum and bite the bullet till the last day. I tried, but I know im capable of achieving better if given a different setting.
Thinking back, life in the school had been depressing and unmotivating. I hated the colleagues who gossiped non stop and talked behind pple's back. It was too excessive. They complained about the slightest thing and everything openly.
I hate being judged for teaching a "slack" subject. I used to be very confident of my knowledge and im starting to feel unsure now.
I feel weak and lost:(
That place made me more negative then ever, hence I know it's right for me to go. I dun wan to lose my happy self to that awful place.
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