Labour day eve

And it's term 2 week 6!

4 more weeks till the end of school, 5 more weeks to my long awaited two weeks holidays...

4 more weeks to the first anniversary of my bond... And 2 more years before I'm "bond free". Lame... Read it from a Facebook friend's post. Haha.

Cancelled today's piano and nua-ing on my bed. Reading blogs and looking at clothes.

It's really good to relax the mind after a whole day of work. Sometimes, I ask myself whether it's ok for me to leave school early while other teachers slog hard in school and mark their pupils' work furiously. And i ask myself... Why do I feel insecure when I see myself leave school early while others stay until horribly late?

Initially, I do feel apprehensive about leaving early. But slowly I realised... Whenever I stay back in school, people ask me why do I stay back so late when I have no work to mark? I do have some things to mark like music worksheets and science remedial worksheets. But not as much as normal teachers and hence, I only stay back in school once in a while to get work done. Plus i normally do up my lesson plans at home after I'm rested and revitalised. Interesting music lesson plans and ideas don't come by easily for me, I take time to search and gather resources to create more engaging music lesson. i need... Ling gan

But really, stay ye bu shi, bu stay ye bu shi. *I wrote a philosophical sentence in chapalang english* so I chose the lesser of both evil, the choice that makes me less tired and help me to remain sane.

Normal ems teachers have a calmer environment to carry out their teaching... But music classes are usually more noisy due to the activities they are engaged in. And a lot of my energy are depleted in being animated in class to get pupils to be spontaneous and mainly because l'm doing what I love the most.

And that's why, even though I have many things to do, I do it with enthusiasm and interest... Because I love music and I hope to spread this love of music making to more people and especially our future generation. I may sound politically correct here... But this is the reason why I'm still in this profession and why I got into this profession initially.

I'm really blessed with good musicianship skills. I'm really happy to be recognised as a good music teacher:) but I'm not sure if I can like this school and be able to cope with the emotional worries I have above.

Being a music teacher is both lovely and lonely at the same time, the whole school knows you but you have nobody to share your ideas with.

Are we really on a different tier? Can I survive being alone in such a big environment and be able to cope emotionally? Will the emotional baggage tear me apart before I could survive the end of my three years bond?

Doubts and insecurities

Cough cough...

Down w bad cough! Really terrible and sometimes, the chest will ache and the tightness will make me woozy and tired.

Zzz

School has been... Well, all I can say is to be grateful for everyday, to look forward and complete whatever is given to me on time.

Life is too short to worry to much.

Am I saying the obvious? Hahaha, cough.

Today...

I twist and cross my fingers and toes that I'm doing the right thing.

Please give me strength to pull through all obstacles and challenges.

Please path a smooth and enlightening route for me.

Please fill my life with great and benevolent people.