Insomnia

Thanks to work and endless work

I am going to survive and prove to you i can survive. 

A bigger world out there...

And I should learn to persevere for another year so that I can move on to learn from another place and hopefully be able to find closer friends and adapt better there. 

I can be better and I must not give up. I am good, but to be better, I must learn to push on and take things as they come. 

I can do it.

The irony..

Of being out of school. 

I enjoy myself more, i enjoy talking to people. I feel more accepted... I feel more at ease with myself. 

I feel that life is less judgemental to me... I'm more willing to mix around and take the initiative to talk more. 

That's the irony of life isn't it? When you are in the pile of shit, you complain non stop. When you are in a new pile of shit, you learn from your mistakes and try to make the best out of the new shit. 

You get me? 

One mountain cannot hide two tigers

And yah, there's this other tiger in my school who is erm... ok. i dunno how to describe her, but yah, she is the other tiger.

well, this tiger mentioned about a CCA's pupil's father complaining about one incident that happened early this year. and seriously, i think she is really glad to have something to keep talking bad about me.

she is hopeless.

firstly, that girl is from your class. you know no shit about what is happening to her during the cca. we made it so clear to our CCA members to be responsible for their own matters and things. it is part of learning to be independent? they are after all no longer in kindergarten.

being her "concerned" subject teacher, maybe you should spend more time inculcating her the right SEL and self responsibility issue. but from wat i see, your classroom management is also null. no wonder your pupils are so ill mannered...

for goodness sake, she is 9, NOT 6! please teach her to follow instructions? if she cannot even follow such simple instructions given to her on CCA matters, how does she even keep up in class? is there a baby sitter in class?

please use your own judgement and tell me whether to believe everything the dad say? and live in your own disillusion world?

if the girl hates the CCA or has anything against us, do you think she will still be in our CCA? if the father is unhappy with us, then why didnt he call the school?

you... bitch, only know how to blow small matters big.

i know your teaching cannot make it, that's why you wayang in school until like nobody's business.
boot licker plus two headed snake.

like seriously? bitch to the max... urgh!
why are there such BITCHES in a nurturing environment?

this school's lousy working environment is driving me out!

Am i bullied?

read a couple of online articles on workplace bullying when i was googling on quitting from the service.

i do feel horrible being in an environment where subject teachers like to joke about how you should be a music teacher so that you can leave early from school and have less markings to do. But not only me, upper primary teachers also like to joke about wanting to teach in lower primary instead so that they have less work to mark and less disciplinary issues to handle.

if you have a right mind, i believe it is easily understandable that the two allegations above are not entirely true. But stereotyped mindsets are difficult to resolve. and i think im in no position to change the negative climate in the staff room since its deep rooted and i have set my mind in leaving the service.

looking back at yesterday's meeting, i felt unjustified. i single handedly trained the pupils for the finale performance in the school's speech day last year, and i didnt see my name being mentioned. firstly, the committee volunteered my service, when after that I realised im not obliged to follow. The committee did nothing concrete to help me, i was left on my own and produced a rather good performance.

given my personality, i just swallowed this sadness and move on. im really not motivated to work in this place that gave me the worse classes when i just started out in my teaching career, i was given the hardest classes to tackle. they expected me to make exemplary changes to the school's curriculum when my classroom management is zero. pupils got into physical fights with each other in my class, it was hard to conduct normal lessons as pupils were rowdy and noisy most of the times.

the positive changes i have contributed to the pupils' behaviour are not recognised, my efforts in being members of some programs are not recognised, the witch chooses to ignore me and undermine my effort.

i may be experiencing workplace bullying, im not sure. but im tough and i will get through this.
i will end this for the well being for myself.

i have a fantastic ro, i love her even though she can be demanding at times. but the unhappy memories need to end because i care alot for my health and emotional well being.

The return of the bitchy man

And im not surprised if he is reading this blog...
because bitchy pple like to poke around into others' personal life?

the she-male came back to school during children's day celebration.
and i can still sense the cross fire between the two of us.

seriously... ? i hardly even talk to you? what's your problem?
dont worry, im a very docile person.
i mind my own problems and have no intentions of stepping in your path.
so please ermx... stop being so hostile like a bitch?

please scram away from my life, urgh!

Happy children's day

To all my darling pupils and piano students:)

Spreading my love for music to the younger generation has been a great motivation in life for me!
I hope all of you continue to enjoy music making and learning music from me:)

Enjoy your holidays!

Let's think...

If the quality of pupils' learning are not achieved... If pupils continue to behave without a care for their surrounding and hence unable to focus and pay attention in class... 

Is tt school one that you would like to send your children to? 

Even if celebrations are made fun and exciting for the pupils, in the end... And the end I mean psle, will the school take responsiblity for the pupils' future? If the pupils dun learn well and dun score well, who can help them bear the consequences of their future? 

Results may not be everything... But it's hard to deny tt in this society, qualifications play an important in your initial steps to your career. 

The least the school can do is to provide the pupils with the conducive environment and skills to be focused with learning so that they know how to pay attention to instructions and hopefully from there, be better self directed learners. 

You may have a fun children's day... But in the parents and in the child's mind, school is still a place for studies and friends. Eventually, the concrete evidence that can bring the pupils further in life is mainly the results. 

If we cannot even provide this basic need, why are we dwelling on more abstract issues? And in the first place, I don't think the pupils' values are desirable. 

Priority? A school with results or not? A school that says that results is not everything is a selfish school. An nonchalant school that doesn't care for the pupils' future well being. 

Good results allow pupils to gain more school choices. Good results help pupils establish a good foundation to further and deepen their knowledge. If the basic is not embedded well in the early years, the pupils will have to waste more effort and time unlearning and relearning. 

Results should still be a basis for all school, once curriculum is established and affirmed. Then values can be intertwined. 

You get me? 

Bf's dad...

Is watching tv noisily outside at the living room, while I just woke up from my sleep. Can sense a sore throat or flu acting up very very soon. 

Good luck to myself... 

Flu bug creeping in... NO!!! So many things to do these weeks:(

Anyway, a small update... Bf's dad hasn't been full time in action at work for about 2 weeks and everything is still abit messy. I can sense that there are still problems... But all odds will still pass in the end, isn't it?